Never Say Never

Funny stuff

No Cigarettes, No Bologna

In my pre-child years, I had a long list of things I swore I would never dowhen became a mother:

  1. Yell
  2. Scream
  3. Cry in the bathroom
  4. Threaten
  5. Bribe with candy
  6. Power walk
  7. Drive to school in my pajamas while drinking coffee from a regular (not travel) mug.
  8. Wear a bathing suit with a skirt.
  9. Swim Mommy Stroke Style (wearing sunglasses and/or visor)
  10. Lick my fingers to wipe dirt or peanut butter or whatever mystery substance is crusted to my kid’s face.
  11. Extract a booger with my bare hands.
  12. Extract a poop with my bare hands.
  13. Catch vomit in my bare hands.
  14. Pop a zit that is not mine.
  15. Go on a house tour wearing sock booties.
  16. Wear clothes based purely on warmth
  17. Not wear certain clothes because it requires complicated undergarments
  18. Sing loudly to Hall and Oates while grocery shopping
  19. Sing loudly to Foreigner while waiting in line at…

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